Wednesday, September 12, 2012

First Birthdays

Over the next few days Chase's First Birthday party began to take all of my time and focus that was definitely a needed distraction.  As I prepped and prepared for 38 family members to come love on him and honor him I briefly worried about the noise and if I would be able to hear people properly.  I was already very rundown and tired which oddly enough, I was told by the hearing aid lady that was normal.  She said that when our hearing is so bad that we are struggling to keep up with every conversation our mind is working in overtime to help us achieve proper hearing.  Apparently our short term memory suffers a lot.  I found that to be completely true as I struggled to keep all my balls juggling at once. 

Surprisingly the party was not hard at all.  There was so much noise that no one could really hear anyone and I felt safe in that.  No one knew what was going on as I had asked those I told to keep it private for the moment.  Chase had an amazing time and lit up the room with his smile.  Each new toy a mystery and something to explore.  He was and still is obsessed with balloons and balls.  He walked and walked around carrying one with him the entire day.  Carter was a great big brother and opened all of his presents for him taking time with each one to show Chase how it worked.  I loved watching them together.  I have to say that having my husband there was priceless.  He missed Carter's first birthday while deployed so this was a really special moment.  My beautiful family celebrating together. 

After everyone left my best friend Mindy and her family stayed behind.  She is married to Chris' brother so it is a great setup.  We hung with them until the late hours of the morning.  I wish I could say that part was easy but it wasn't.  There was background music on that made it very hard for me to hear.  Later as the sun went down and I could no longer see lips the hearing slipped even further.  It was a safe place in the fact that they all knew that I was having trouble but it was filled with fear because some of my closest people were watching me struggle.  For the most part everyone was good about repeating but I could see that it was getting frustrating.  I can't imagine how I would feel on the other side of this.  From where I sit - over here in denial it's not really that bad.  But I could tell that for them it was more real.  I finally gave up contributing and even listening and just enjoyed being with them. 

I fell asleep quite peacefully that night exhausted from the festivities and a fun night with friends.