Tuesday, December 11, 2012

One Day More

Routine.

I, in general, hate routine.

Some of you may think this is odd considering I map out my life by the timing of Chase's sleeping patterns just like I always did with Carter. 

But that's not routine.  That is self preservation!

About the only place I go by some assemblance of routine is at work.  But it is never the same day twice in the food industry so it really doesn't ever feel like repeating. 

Carter LOVES routine.  He loves the boundaries of knowing what will be happening from one minute to the next.  When Carter's routine gets changed he doesn't like it very much. 

Chris definitely likes routine, a military guy always does!

Chase is still up in the air.  I hope he has a little bit of my spontaneity mixed with the boys love of routine to give him the right amount of balance.

Routine (insert sigh) I can never even buy the same eyeshadow twice!

Obviously then I'm the type of person that rarely ever watches a movie more than once.  In fact I think I've asked for a DVD as a present maybe three times in my life and then after receiving them I went on to watch them a whopping one time.  As an adult the act of re watching something that I already know the ending to is completely lost on me.  I simply don't have time for that.  Maybe one day when I'm older and find I have this thing called "spare time" then I will appreciate a DVD.  (Don't hate me movie buffs!) 

Kid movies are of course the exception to this rule.  I mean as a mother, how could they not be!  I think I could recite Cars, The Bee Movie, Tangled, Nim's Island, etc.   Again, self preservation, can I get an Amen? 

My dislike of watching the same thing goes even further when you talk about TV shows.   In the re-run area I will only watch Friends.  I think this is because to me that is more about remembering a period in my life rather than knowing how the show ends.   

With books it's more of the same thing, I only have one book I have ever read again.  It is my favorite book which I read about once every year or so.  Trip To The Stars by Nicolas Christopher.  It is the only book that I have read every word and still forget where the story might be going. 

Yet quite contradictory to all of that if you check my MP3 history you will see that I can sit and listen to the same song over and over for an hour straight without getting tired of it and I have seen several musicals multiple times. 

Les Miserable is my all time favorite and at seeing it five times it leaves me confident that I will never grow tired of being caught up in the story.

Tonight was no exception. 

As Chris and I got ready to go out to see the show my mind wandered back over the past twenty years since the first time Les Miserable entered my life. As a young teenager my mother took me to see the touring production once in Kansas City and once in Chicago.  I instantly fell in love with Eponine and the song "On My Own".  I identified with her fixation on true love and her commitment to it no matter the obstacles.

On Chris and I's one year anniversary we saw the show on Broadway!  I again, loved Eponine because her love for Marius was born of friendship much like Chris and I got our start. 

Ten years ago we saw the production live in London and that night was nothing short of magical.  With Big Ben and Trafalgar Square as our backdrop we leisurely ate at a quaint Italian bistro, drank just the right amount of red wine, walked to the show down cobblestone streets, and then took a rickshaw ride back to our hotel. 

That time my favorite song was "One Day More."   I remember that it had only been shortly before that trip that we found out our struggle with conception was more than others and would require medical intervention.  I remember the song pumping me full of the feeling that I was geared up to fight, ready to wage war against myself, my expectations and the future look of my life without children.  I was motivated by it, urged not to give up or give in to the worries of that strife.  I was also reminded that my husband had just recently rejoined the Army and that soon we would be spending some time apart as the two lovers sing about in that song. 

Last night as we sat in the auditorium waiting for the show to start I held my breath in anticipation.  So many years had past and I felt older, wiser, stronger and more vulnerable all in one instant.  Ten years was a long time and over that course of years, months and hours our family had changed dramatically.  Chris had fought in two wars, we had moved three times and we were greatly blessed with two beautiful boys.  Oh yeah and my hearing started to fade.  An ever conscious thought in my mind. 

As the music started with the opening song I knew...this year would be about

Jean Valjean 

I was a parent now and a wife of war.  I knew what it was like to live for a child and to wish someone a safe return from war.  "Bring Him Home" silenced the crowd and resonated with me like never before.  This music, this amazing sound of beauty just kept moving around me with such comfort and peace. 

I was thankful for these actors and their beautiful voices and I was humbled by my ability to hear and enjoy such a sound.  

I had decided to leave my hearing aids in even though I could have taken them out as I do in movies. 

But I would never voluntarily choose to quiet that sound. 

As long as I can still hear it,  I want to feel immersed in it. 

The music was so loud it was as if I was listening through headphones which allowed me to simply sit and be blessed by such a peace delivering sound.  And as "One Day More" drummed along I was reminded about our ability to fight through struggles of any kind.  Sheer gratefulness flooded my soul. 

First, for my husband sitting beside me....alive.

Second, for the two children each one whom I waited on for seven long years. 

Third, for the ability to hear.


Routine.

My life is anything but. 

Yet despite today, tomorrow we'll discover what our God in Heaven has in store, One Day More!