Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Absence Of Words

There's a reason I have been quiet here and it has nothing to do with my ears. 

No, this Absence of Words was only felt here because my life was filled with an ABUNDANCE of words in the form of my novel titled In The Absence Of Sounds

I used to believe that everyone felt the same about writing as I did.  I erroneously assumed that people everywhere loved and craved putting pen to paper or ink to page.  It wasn't until my husband started his master's program this past year that I understood just how wrong I was.  

The frustrated grunts and groans that would escape his throat as he struggled with 500, 1000 and even 100 words pretty much summed up his feelings about writing.  It is importatnt to note that my husband is a brilliant man, very well educated and good at many things but writing...writing daunted him.  I remember being confused that someone so knowledgeable would hate to write especially when verbally he could trade stories with the best of them and loved to do so. 

It was in those moments I began to realize just how different I was.  That while I may know nothing about a topic if someone asked me to write 100 words about anything at all, I could and happily would.  That even though the majority of it would probably be bullshit it would still be beautiful prose all the same. 

This was the tipping point for me, a real gut check that said to my soul -  you are meant to do this.  You are built and made for this purpose. 

I do think I knew this all along but because I never wanted to write editorially I saw it more as a hobby and not a profession.  I love to write fiction, my fiction and to put it simply, I was too scared to put all my eggs in one basket.  

So, while my husband would lament about all of the writing he had to do, I would yearn for it.  It was through this window into another persons writing POV that I saw the shape of me from the outside looking in.   The reflection was most definitely one of a writer.
When I started this blog, a work of fiction began to pull itself out of some of my posts.  In fact, the first chapter of my new novel still sits in an unpublished draft on this blog.  I typed it in over two years ago and there I let it sit because I had no further path for the 2000 word intro until the story came to me.

65,000 words and a year later I sit here today with my first draft and I am very proud.  It was an effortless outpouring of content and I was simply the vessel for the words to spill forth.  

I feel more complete and settled than ever before.